Monday, September 15, 2008

DARK AND GLOOMY OUTSIDE....

It's one of those days that I feel like crawling back under the covers....it's dark, foggy, gloomy outside...and the air feels "heavy" if you know what I mean.

I have lots I want to accomplish today, but I don't know if I will get it done or not.

I have been feeling really "blah" lately, no specific reason, just icky. I don't have the ambition or desire to do the things I should be. I think in part it is the weather..we have had really odd weather this past month or so.

I also don't like change and am a worrier. I am a "what if" person. I worry about my daughter leaving home next year and not being able to see her or make sure she's okay...silly I know..it's a long way off. I look at the beautiful young woman she has turned into..focused, smart, mature....and I wonder what happened to my "little girl". She's much more mature than I was at her age.

But I guess that's what moms do..they worry.

I worry about getting older....so far I'm not liking it alot..LOL....

I think about my mom and dad every day. It is almost 2 years since my mom passed away, just over 3 since my dad. I miss visiting them and asking their advice. I miss watching them enjoy my children and my children enjoying them.
It hurts that they no longer have an extended family that enjoys spending time with them.

I think I am at a point in my life where I need a "purpose". I don't know what that is, but I need a focus. I need to change things in my life that I am not happy with.

I know that alot of women my age have children that are grown with families of their own, I am reminded of this by my youngest daughter, who has friends with mom's young enough that I could be THEIR mom. I'm not reminded by the other two....it seems to be different with their friends and the mom's ages. When did I get OLD? It wasn't supposed to happen this fast! LOL

Anyone ever have days like this? I seem to have them alot....age never bothered me before....what happened?

Well fellow bloggers....must go try to accomplish SOME of what I set out to do today! I really didn't mean this to be such a deep post today!

Take care
Marion

3 comments:

Simply Heart And Home said...

Marion,

I'm behind in reading posts. This weekend was a busy one.

I'm sorry that you are feeling down. Try not to worry too much about your daughter going away to the university next year. That is still a long way off. Both of you will be more ready as the time approaches. I can remember when the twins went off to colleges. I did worry a bit but I was confident that they were bright young women who could take care of themselves (I still prayed though!). I knew that God was watching over them.

My third daughter went off to college 4 years ago and my youngest just 2 weeks ago. It is so hard not to worry but you need to trust that you did a good job raising them and of course, pray.

{{HUGS}}

Gina

Leslie said...

Marion,
I'm sorry that you are feeling down.

I have my moments like that......and before you give me that, "You're too young to be worrying" speech, because I get that a lot, or the I'm too young to get it one...grrrr makes me mad! I see these things and realize how fast life goes and I'm trying to enjoy every second.

Last year I sat and worried about Aften going to Kindergarten this year and what I would do with my life. Like I thought I had to change things overnight and move on with my life. But I didn't want to because I LIKE my life the way it is! Then someone told me that I didn't need to be in a rush. I need to take it one step at a time and hang in there. And Aften started school and my life didn't end. It's different, that's for sure and I can see that at one point I will definitely want to get out and work or do something, however, for now this is where I will be.

Anyway, there is a point to that...I think you just need to hang in there and take it one step at a time, too. It all seems scary now but maybe it won't be nearly as bad once that time comes. It's hard to worry and prepare for things so far off....

I'm sorry that you're missing your parents, too. Maybe you could look back and see how your parents handled your growing up. Take some advice from them...even if they aren't here to ask. I also get that you miss having that family to hang out with. I often wish things could be so much different with my family and my in-laws but I guess this is how it's going to be....sigh.....it just makes us stronger and better people!

Hugs!

Leslie

Colleen said...

Aw, Marion .... here's a great BIG HUG for you, my friend...